Friday, October 31, 2008

Pugnacity

So how many of you thought my last post was emo? It isnt!!! Its just some thoughts thats all. Things that have been rambling around in that head of mine. Thought i'd share it with you all.

A levels is in 2 days, well thats the 'in' topic now isn't it? To be talking about exams in studies. I cant deny its importance but really if you think carefully about it, is it going to make or break your life? I choose to believe it doesnt ( and it honestly doesnt! ). I am not saying this just becasue my hopes of straight As looks abit more than impossibly far fetch now although i probably did more studying now more than any time i did in my whole short 18 years. ( Funny how just awhile ago i was using 17 years ). There isnt any point in panicking really, each of us were given choices to choose. We made our decisions and whatever consequence that accompanies it. I chose to enjoy the present, but who is to say that i wont be able to enjoy the future as well? You live for the moment, in the moment, now. Not for the hopes of 30 40 years down the road. Enjoy stoning, running, the people you have. Haha, i doubt my parents are that carefree though.

New predator colourways are available during the holiday season. Prodirectsoccer is taking bookings from tomorrow, anticipating it, not that my current pairs need replacing haha, at 300 bucks a pop. Nike also better come up with some form of silver mercurial vapors soon. Holding out for these ( if there is ) to replace my street soccer shoes with. Cant hold out any longer, the hole at the sole is getting scarily big and there is almost zero friction when it rains.

Random: I love strings, the sound of it all. The tension that can only come from a string being stretched. That rich emotive tone. It has that very penetrating sound that reaches to your bones. Violins especially. Next time any one of you listen to an orchestrarial piece ( or band ). Try picking out the double bass, they have that wonderful pompus sound, exquisite. Go listen to superman soundtrack if you want to hear the tension present in them. Specoal thanks to ykm for sending me that symphony gundam long time ago. The eighth chapter is fantastically rich with strings.

Real madrid just lost to a Segunda B2 side in the king's cup. Wth, lucky there is a return leg. Imagine arsenal losing to leeds united ( ahah! ) and you get the idea. ( dont worry, wait a couple more years and they will )

Its comical, 2 days ( as joyously mentioned by cheryl ) to A levels and i still dont own a pencil case lol.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Regrets

Look at the title. Ok so to many of you i appear to be a happy person, that forever cheery person with maybe a kid for a soul. Well guess what, i am. Maybe its the physics and maths and well everything else but sometimes when you think about your life, you cannot help but feel dark. Its not a quarrel with how life has gone thus far, that i am perfectly happy, but instead of how farther ahead i could have gone if maybe i was placed into a different path. Look at it this way, i am a perfectly healthy, normal 18 year old. Thats what the problem is. Why am i like any/most other 18 year old on this planet. There is really nothing that you can say hey i am a cut above the rest, you've accomplished something. For yourself, not for the world. There is nothing but grinding out this mundane existance.

Its stupid, absolutely without a doubt to ponder on the ifs and buts, as its already done. But just imagine, all that untapped potential that all of us had. All of us wasted. Its enough to make you feel sick to the guts. For now, i've had a dabble in everything, mostly, yet i cannot say that there is truely anything which defines me, for which i am truely good at.

Take soccer for example. I started playing in sec 1. Ok so i manage to end up in the college team. I am a good player, i'm not going to be falsely modest about it. Not great or fantastic, nothing to make you swoon over but just credible enough. Yet, imagine what it could have been if maybe i started kicking a ball from 5 years of age, or if my mum didnt restrict me from joining the primary school soccer team for fear of hurting myself ( its dumb really, next time if you guys are parents and your kids wanna play just let them ). Maybe i could be some national player now, or not. Or maybe i would have found my limit is just what i am now, a college player.

Everything i did, i am stuck in this band somewhere between average and the good. Like running, i am an above average runner. Imagined if i had been training from young?. Or if i had been forced to learn the piano or violin or whatever when i was young. Perhaps i wont be that slightly above average clarinet player that i am now, something better. Or if i had actually studied, mugged my guts out for my PSLE, O levels would i have ended up in another place?. The sad thing is i was never near my limits and probably never will be near it for the rest of my life, either due to my choice or not.

You know, sometimes, there is this bit of envy when you see people at the peak of their craft. Then you wonder, maybe that person could have well been you.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

New balance real run

I thought army half marathon was the most challenging 'road race' that i could possibly take part in this year. Scratch that. Got blown away by today's new balance run totally. Participated in the 15km distance. Clocked the worst pacing for any race ever. Even if you take my army half timing and extrapolate backwards to the time i took for 15km, it would be much better off than my timing today. Did not really notice the time when i finished but it should be around 1hr 30/40 mins ++. This is the one time where i am not looking forward to seeing the official results.

Started of strongly, tried going at my nike human race pace, but i did not consume any energy gels this time ( it makes ALOT of difference trust me ). However quickly and steadily the heat crept up on me. As some of you know, especially my classmates haha, i perspire more than usual compared to others, so the extreme heat totally flushed out my stored of liquid. By the 2nd water point onwards i felt nauseous whenever i took water, heat exhaustion? One thing i learnt, never underestimate the morning sun. For more than half the course, there was totally no cover from the sun. Not even a single cloud in the sky. Dreadful feeling. Then there was the beach segment where u run on the soft sand parallel to the shoreline and the sun was directly above the waters. If the distance were any longer you would develope some asymetrical tan. Towards the ending point, in the last 2km, youhad to run on a very straight road, without any shelter for like 1km+. You can see the heat wave shimmering above the ground. That was how hot it was.

Bad race, plus points, i finished it, and the shirt they gave was decent. Feels very smooth haha.

Ok gone now, still feeling VERY tired even now

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Graduation day

2 years, how fast. I remembered lying there in my bed trying to figure out how JC life would be like on the day before orientation 1 last year. I came to nanyang because well i didnt want to work so hard. I never did and i dont want to go to a place where everyone around me is mugging their lives away. Nothing against the school, its just that the enviornment would allow me to have the JC life that i wanted myself to have. That i have been satisfactorily given.

Tomorrow is the day that i graduate. graduate on what credit? That will have to wait till next year. The last words of a chapter will be written tomorrow. Bittersweet words. I wouldnt mind if the JC system is a 3 year course ( being the norm, instead of having to retain ). It would allow us to truely taste the different flavours that JC has to offer. 2 years is way too short, but at least it was filled to the brim with experiences, never a bore. I went to JC happy, stayed happy in JC and should come out happy, although my A level results should have some bearing on that. I never was ever truely down in these 2 years. Even when studies was going against the flow, i have people who will laugh with me at our results, shrug it off and look to the future. i've met some ( not all ) of the most talented and dedicated teachers over here. Never gave up, on me, on anyone. The amount of work they put in for their students amazes me. I doubt i will ever be as dedicated at any point in my life.

Then there are all the crazy memories and antics that i will take away from school.
- 1st 3 months, all the crazy stuff we did. opening toilet doors with teacher inside, ponning 1 month worth of maths tutorials, not doing anything worthwhile and just enjoying the days as they came and went.
- Orientation 1/ 2 2007. Fun as a group, pity we didnt stay together for long. The memories will last...
- The class and its exponentially increasing rate of wackiness. Playing soccer in the midst of promos. All the runs, badmintons, basketball, soccer, ... rugby. Cage, macdonald's $2 breakfast, shopping trips, outings, too many to list, to recollect. All the sick stuff, guai-lan, name calling, sarcasm, animals, half breeds, dung the class thought up, and all the crap, husbands, wifes, yys and robots.
- LTC all the pushups, the kayaking, the squeezing in tents, the reflections and most importantly the people. Ector, we were the most 'high' bunch of people in the camp.
- Promos, the relief and the celebrations when 100% promoted was flashed across the screen and the individual subject standings thereafter.
- Orientation 1 2008. The laughs, the cheerings, sentosa, the wonderful og, ogl and olympians. The hoarse voices, the tired but happy faces, the aching legs.
- House exco camp, lessons learnt, got our act together, made friends, made an impression
- A division soccer, the passing football that nanyang played. The dark horse, the agony of losing, the thrill of winning. Scoring that last gasp equaliser, being somewhat a hero for once. The self justification.

There are many many more, do a list after the A levels. So the people i've met in nanyang, perhaps we dont know each other, but well we recognise and acknowledge the existance of each others. Cheers to you

Monday, October 6, 2008

Parious circumstance

All of you readers, ready all together now... 'SIGHHH' .. ok done? good. At this period, all of you would have some reason to sigh. Whether at how badly ( u think ) your promos/ end of year examinations are going to turn out, or for the countdown to the yet to come examinations. Everyone is swinging into panic or depression mood. all except me. Ok, been emphasizing this point for a long time already so should not bore my readers.

This is a completely random entry.
Could not get to sleep last night. Probably due to the apples and apple juice i took before sleeping. Was thinking about the places in Singapore that i want to go to just soak in the sights and atmosphere, when i have the time. Reasons vary for each. Either its due to its novelty or some previous connections with the place.

- Southern ridges trail, from mount faber all the way to NUS and west coast park. I like west coast, although having been there only a couple of times in my life. It has a quiet simple feel about it, unlike east coast or pasir ris beach tainted with the persence of too many people. The southern ridges because its one of the few places in singapore which allows you to being in the midst of a place, rather than worrying about a destination or other mundane stuff. Its a mix of city presence in the buildings that can be seen and a bit of nature thrown in. Allows you to lose yourself for awhile

- Kayak to pulau ubin/ chek jawa. Did that at leadership training camp last year. The place is the awesomest place in the coastal waters of singapore i feel that i can visit with my capabilities ( dont mention some place which u have to hire a boat and scuba dive. That is not within my scope ). while i was there, i dont know which tide it was but the seabed came to with a few centimeters of the kayak's hull for long long stretches spreading out from the coast of ubin, before gently breaking the surface in plains of sandbanks that barely graze the surface of the water. You can actually step out and just walk around seemingly right in the middle of the water. The sand there is also surprisingly fine and clean despite being sitiuated close to a busy waterway. Last year i did not have the chance to truely savour the place because i came close to dying while paddling my twin kayak, due to a seasick partner. Not her fault though haha. Carried 2 person for most of the journey. With a single seater and lighter kayak this time, hoping to repeat and better the experience. Garrett, Chris, naomi, Eunice listening?

- Visit the western side of singapore. Walk around abit, The bukit timah area seems interesting, so does jurong. Go back to the arcade in jurong to try the dinosaur arcade game. Saw many sights along the pandan area while cycling there in june for bike rally ( then, my legs havent given up on me yet ). There are actually a few relatively larged sized bridges ( in Singapore's context ) there. Should be able to enjoy them more if you arent struggling to inch you bike over that rise in the bridge haha.

- Clark quay and up the singapore river. Nice place where you get to truely absorb what the night has to offer. ( i dont mean nightlife ). There is just something about that place which draws me. The way its structured perhaps? You have those shophouses lining the river which spoils your eyes for the variety of sights. Urban malls like central further upriver. The bridges, the other people visitng the place ( this time i dont mind the people, because they give the place its life ). Then there is the cbd area with its modern appeal. Again random, i dont know why but i always liked seeing a small coffee joint of a shop open in the middle of nowwhere in the city at night.

I really cannot turn on the computer if not i'll get hooked on like forever. Trying hard to abstain from it for my studies sake so you wont be seeing must posts. If i log on the comp, i'll end up watching random comedy videos ( life is a joke ), little britain, russell peters or trailers for upcoming movies on quicktime. If i really run out of stuff to do, then i will loiter around wikipedia or wookiepedia ( star wars ) reading random stuff. See just wasted dunno how many minutes typing this. Could do with a few good reads after my A levels. ( Give me a book now and i'll get hooked on it just like the comp )

Got randomly wacked today by a girl for staring at the ... floor? lol hazel is going nuts

Guys lets go get the F1 walkabout tickets next year.

Done

Tagged 5

Interesting one taggd on me by kwek. At a risk of sounding very egoistic/arrogant, here goes. ( Disclaimer, this is what i think of myself, whether you think the same way or not does not concern me )

Pick your birth month.
→ Change the font to red for anything that doesn't apply to you.
→ Bold the five that best apply to you. ( instead of bolding i shall change the colour to yellow, bolding doesnt really work here )
→ Copy to your blog, livejournal, xanga, wordpress.
→ Tag 5 people from your friends list.

JANUARY:Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY:Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL:Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE:Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY:Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt and takes long to recover.

AUGUST:Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive ( unless you are refering to my nose haha ) but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER:Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

DECEMBER:Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Quoting kwek 'Please do not ask me why there isn't November on the list'.

Haha, and the tagged ones are .. ( damn kwek for using up all my potential tags from class ) ... Shermaine, Louisa, Feiyang ( if hes reading this ), John and Xinyi.