Its saturday night, and i am sitting in front of my computer chatting to a couple of people online and playing fm. It is a sucky existance. So many things i want to do, but cant. Today, looked at the poeple going up on stage to receive awards for college day. I want to be up there, for i think my capabilities are more than matching that of most of the people up there. I want to be up there, i deserve to be up there. I know this smacks of arrogance, elitism, overconfidence, or just plain stupidity but so be it. This is my blog and i am allowed to express my feelings. Parents meeting went well. My dad probably have gotten used to meeting my teacher year in year out. He trusts that i'll deliver when the time comes, ie. A levels. I hope for his and my sake that it'll hold true. Mr pun wants 3 As from me for the A levels, and minimum 3 Cs for the mid years. We shall see about that.
Have no idea why i am feeling very empty/ mentally drained/ tired now. Gahh. Wish i could have something to scream at now, or sit under the stars at some beach and stone the night away, or go to a street soccer court and wack some balls under the stars. So many wants, but there is nothing to do about it. I am not one prone to such episodes of downess, so cant dig out the source of it. If any of you can, please tell me so.
I feel as if my soul has been laid bare, and my body is lacking the essence of life.
As if my spirit is ripped from this shell of a living being.
As if the natural order of things arent seeming so.
I feel as if i am cast into a pit with clawing up the sides all but impossible.
The sun is all blotted up yet the moon is nowwhere in sight.
As if my feelings are in a state of helpless narcosis.
As if my mind is losing its lucidity.
My heart is in a violent throe with no signs of abating.
I feel my strength leave, depositing an empty corpse among the waves of reality.
As if my being is crying, but for the lack of tears.
As if a burden is tearing every last breath out of my lungs.
Conciousness is slipping, to be replaced by a everlasting void.
Someone lost in a feeble existance with the light at the end snuffed out.
A hollow, devoid of life.
A human, brought mercilessly down onto his knees by fate.
There is nothing to do, is there?
Would anyone listen, would anyone care?
I abhor emotions. Crappy, Screwed up.
It'll pass. Ignore me.
Love suffers long, and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.... And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. - The Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 8 (New King James Version) and an alternative "take"
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